Elizabeth Day, author of the book “Friends”, says: “My friends are the most constant and greatest loves of my life.” “They have been there for me through heartbreaks, grief, divorce, and miscarriages. They have supported me through my darkest moments and celebrated my happiest moments, most often in a dimly-lit karaoke club singing Spice Girls full throttle.
“My best friend Emma brought me my favorite cup of jasmine green tea when I was undergoing unsuccessful fertility treatment.”
A local cafe. We sat down and discussed everything. She did what she always does – made me understand and feel heard.
“Yet, for all that friendship gave me, I realized we don’t speak the language to describe what it means to each of us. Over the centuries, our culture has focused so much on romantic love that platonic attachments have received a vanishingly small amount of attention. I wanted to change that.
“I wanted to create a vocabulary to help us understand these unique and complex relationships. I wanted to know what friendship was and how people approached it.
“That was the beginning of Friendaholic: The Confessions Of A Friendship Addict. In it, i examine my own addiction towards friendship. I examine the history of friendship, and how it is represented in literature from Anne of Green Gables’ to Elena Ferrante’s Neapolitan quartet. I also interview my friends to learn about their experiences.
“I learned that friendships, especially those formed between women, have the power to shape and sustain our life. The best friends are the ones who love us without expectations. They know us so well that they don’t feel guilty if we haven’t been able write or call in a while. When we meet, there’s warmth, acceptance, and probably lots of laughter. These women are a great example of this generosity. I bet they can sing Wannabe too.”
If you want to give a gift that will make your friend smile, check out our list of 60th birthday presents. The White Company also has some lovely gifts for mums that are sure to bring a smile to her face.
Let’s meet some women that cherish their very special friends.
Sarah Guignard from Surbiton has always relied on her lifelong friend Justine Moakes who lives in Chichester.
“I don’t remember when Justine was not my best friend. On the first day of class, I was astonished by her long hair. I was a shy five-year-old girl with a short hairstyle, and I thought her wonderful. We bonded immediately and nothing has changed.
“She lived with dad and after school, we would go back to her home in Sheperton and make up dances to Wham!” hits. We were shocked to learn that Justine would be living with her mother 200 miles away, in Leeds, where Justine worked.
We made a promise to remain best friends, and created a special symbol for our letters. We continued to tell each other everything up until we met again at college.
At 25, I decided to open my own French restaurant.
To live in France for several months. Justine knew I was homesick and hopped across the Channel to cheer up. Her support helped me recover when I returned home underweight and sick because I had been so unhappy.
Justine married a US citizen and moved to the US, but our friendship was strong. We made frequent trips across the Atlantic. Eric, a French chef I had fallen in love with, was the reason we flew in January 2000 to New York to visit Justine. Eric proposed to Justine when we arrived. The trip became an engagement party.
We both had families as the years passed. Justine divorced in 2014 and returned to England. I was thrilled to see her again. I invited her to The French Table for her 50th Birthday in October. My dad’s homecare called just as we were popping the champagne cork. I had to leave because he was dying.
The COVID rules required that I last see him through the window. Justine, as always, helped me get through that night. She knew my dad, and she always checked in to make sure I was okay. We share our joys and our heartbreaks. We’ve been through all the ups and downs of life together. We still write ‘friends for life’ on cards and notes, and we mean it.
Carole Mills (65), a library supervisor in Scarborough, rekindled a friendship with Rebecca Hare (66), a retired Winchester teacher, after many long years of separation.
“I received a message in 2014 from Rebecca while I was on Facebook. We had lost touch over 20 years ago, but she tracked me down and asked if I would like to meet. I said yes immediately. We had never argued – we just drifted apart.
“She came to meet my partner Maurice at 71 years old on a beautiful summer day. We told him that we had met in our 20s, when we both worked in IT. We talked like we had never been apart. We told each other about our lives over the past 20 years – divorces for us both, Rebecca’s children, and career changes. She retrained to be a teacher, while I went to work at Filey Library and enjoyed watching punk bands and dance with Maurice. We were constantly on the phone after that.
“Then on 23 December I went to buy Maurice Christmas presents. I said goodbye and told him to come back later. I texted him ‘Where are You?’ and he didn’t reply. Then my phone rang. It was the hospital. Maurice was dead. He had a heartattack while walking to meet me.
“We had been together for 13 year, barely a day apart and I was stunned. In the middle of winter, I was sitting in a house without his jokes or laughter. After a miserable christmas, Rebecca and I started our ‘twilight conversations’. As the night fell, I brewed a cup of tea and settled in for a good chat on the phone. She was so calm and thoughtful that it was almost like therapy for me as I dealt with my loss.
“Our friendship has gained a new significance. We’re going to have a lot of snort – we will keep each other going. I’m so happy she came back to my life when I most needed her.”
Subscribe today for more inspiring stories.
